Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
