So drunk its hurt
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
