Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
