i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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