im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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