also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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