My room smells like vodka and shame
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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