Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Randomize
