The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
