I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
