We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
