Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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