What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
