Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
