She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize