Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
