I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
