Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
