i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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