i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so let's talk penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
