At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
