I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
