You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
