Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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