No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
