When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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