mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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