return my video game
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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