I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
