i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
