fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
