I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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