I met the friendliest cop last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
