Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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