so let's talk penis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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