There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
