a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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