Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
