we're blogging at a bar
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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