i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
