No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think my moral compass just broke
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