its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
