Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
