Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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