I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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