Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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