Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
