with your own penis?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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