i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
