So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't turn off my feet"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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