Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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