remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
