I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
