every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
