i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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