We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
