Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
