You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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