We're like a lot better than the average bears
we have pet lesbian snakes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
