I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
