K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
