3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
