you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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