I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
